The Great Darkness..

It's been a long time since i last wrote! The exams and the lazy satisfaction that followed since the holidays began precluded my even thinking about posting something here. Or my having material to write about, for that that matter. These last two weeks I've been busy interning in a microfinance company, too: too exhausted on returning from a day spent shadowing field agents under the hot Delhi sun to even think of writing. Which brings me to the reason for this post. Two things.

• Living in a comfortable upper middle class family is a mere throw of the dice where nine times out of ten, a child born in India is sentenced to a life in 'the Great darkness' as Arvind Adiga so aptly describes it in 'The White Tiger'(one of the only things which struck me and stuck in my head after reading it; I wasn't exactly thrilled by the book otherwise). In the end it's all down to where you're born. That determines your world view, your attitudes, principles, skills, opportunities: in short pretty much sets a course for your life. Changing the course is always possible, of course, but one may have to work so much harder and try just a little more without being fazed when staring at defeat. It's just easier for some. Anyway, this was the first time I've actually come in touch with the other India, the India I always knew existed but never thought about; wrapped up in my own comfortable, narrow life. And it makes you feel so small. Just the magnitude of what the people are facing: it's just life on a high wire, you do your best to stay on top but even a small movement precipitates you down, down, down. And so much the worse for you if you don't have a safety net below you, some backup in case you, say, lose the wage earner of your family in a tragedy. I don't know what I would be in a situation where you fight every day just to bring home food for your (many many) children. How can this problem be solved?!!! Educating 5 billion people is simply not possible for individuals and our Government, whether it tries its best or not, is not really an 'it', it's thousands of 'hes' and 'shes', all human and only too fallible. It's depressing and the only way I can get rid of that is by getting this into my head(difficult!). There is seriously nothing I can do about it, and working in a small way, if it helps a few thousand people, will ultimately be of some use, even if it doesn't solve all national problems. Also, I shouldn't be selfish in my attitudes or in my actions. Ever. And look forward to heaven, which is in reality the only place which can be ultimately perfect!!
• It's no wonder people escape through(in India) Bollywood and cricket. Not a single house i went to to collect repayments was missing a TV, not even the houses with just a single room and no toilet. It's so easy to escape into a different world! Like football..!! Spain lost in their first Group H game of the World Cup today, to a team they've beaten in the last 18 times they've met, in spite of the fact that they've had a 12 game unbeaten run ,and have been beaten just once in 48 games. I just went on thinking "WHY!Why!why!!' and ruing the fact that the team which plays the most beautiful game, and which everyone loves for the loveliness of its wonderful passing game almost never wins a big tournament no matter how much(in fact less with an increase in the amount that) they're hyped. For two hours I've been going around with a long face, almost determined to go into mourning in earnest.

What different situations, really, but it's just funny how depression comes in all forms, isn't it? The first thing is so real you drown in its magnitude, the second, apart from the joy of pure entertainment, is pretty shallow and insignificant, really, but the intensity of emotion is there for both cases. Funny.